(Ir)resolution

It's New Years Day! The day of resolutions! The day we're supposed to make a long list of promises about what we'll do better this year. This is actually just the sort of thing I love to do. I'm always beating myself up about not being good enough at things. In fact, this year, I want to work out regularly, eat healthy, be a loving wife who attends to my husband's every need, be bold and intentional in ministry and service, love my family and friends well, get a 4.0 in grad school, read lots of books, be the best teacher in Houston, and, in general, save the world and be perfect while doing it.

The only problem with resolutions is that the world is not resolute. The world is irresolute and uncertain. I mean, let's be honest... I'll probably both succeed and fail at all of those resolutions I listed, depending on the day and the moment. This morning I realized that there is only one resolution that I need to have this year:

Trust God.

I need to trust God because instead of resolution, I have irresolution. Life is uncertain, and I'm a worrier. Bad combo. God is certain, and he is sovereign. Good combo.

This morning, Brent left at 6:30 am to go hunting with my dad and his dad at his ranch. So I was awake early this New Years, lying in bed with nothing but Blazer and my thoughts to keep me company. Did I leap out of bed with a sense of possibility, a positive attitude, and a zealous desire to get the new year started? Did I fling open the shutters, wrap the curtains around me Sound-of-Music-style, sing, and embrace the unknown?

Um... no.

I lay there, and I worried. Glamorous... I know. Y'all, my feet had not even hit the floor in 2011, and I was already fretting about the year to come. What was I worrying about, you ask? Oh... anything and everything. I'm an equal-opportunity worrier. I worried about things happening today like Brent's safety as he drove and hunted. I worried about things happening next week like going back to school, leading a new Bible study, and starting a new consulting gig with Teach for America. I worried about things happening months from now. Heck, I even worried about things that I don't even know are going to happen!

Anxiety loves company, so I called Brent who was on his way to pick up his dad, and I had worked myself into tears. I told him I was scared and he was like, "Why? I've only been gone for five minutes!" (haha... I always get scared by the slightest noise when he's gone, but it was a bit soon for that). I explained that I was just scared about everything... the whole idea of 2011. Ha! Crazy wife alert! Instead of (rightfully) calling me crazy, though, Brent calmly reminded me that we know God, we listen to God, we follow God, and we trust God. And God can be trusted. So whatever happens to us in 2011 will be God's will, and therefore it will be OK.

Well, when you put it that way.....
He's so logical sometimes it can be kind of annoying. :-)

As a result, my resolution is just to trust God. To trust God with family, job, school, appearance, marriage, money, health, church, time, friends, home... EVERYTHING. In a world that's decidedly irresolute, I resolve to trust in a certain God.

I don't want to box God in, but I'm relatively sure that I won't be running a marathon, climbing a mountain, losing thirty pounds, or gallivanting Europe this year. But I do know that God isn't finished with me yet, and 2011 will hold some adventures that will be scary. But I'm going to trust God and hold on tight. So as long as you don't mind reading about a normal gal, I'll see you back here soon and we'll take on 2011.